Epilogue

                Hello 2014, the scent of fireworks is still here. Morning dew along with cold breeze woke me up. Seeing how the sun smiles at me fills so much energy in me. Hearing my siblings’ laughter is a sign that I’m not alone. The scent of ham and cheese and spaghetti fills the air. And here I am, lying in the comfort of my temple.

Prequel

Another blank page in my life has begun and is worthy to be written by surprises.

Another chance that God has given to me to live life to the fullest.

Another chance to love, to forgive, to push ourselves to the limit.

But before anything else, I would like to look at the rear view of my life. My ups and downs.

2013 was a bang.

Numerous significant events had happened in anyway. Some had made me cry, some had made me laugh. Some had brought so much pain. Some had brought so much happiness. Sometimes, I was wondering if it was just a dream or reality.

 Wounds

First.

      I thought that I was smooth sailing. Pero, di pala. I got out of the Dean’s list for two consecutive sems. Sobrang sakit, di kasi ako sanay na bumagsak. Pero anong magagawa natin..? Mag mukmok na lang ba at isisi sa iba ang sakit na ito. Like what my mom said to me, “Okay lang yan, bawi ka na lang. Wag pilitin ang sarili mo, ibigay mo lang ang best mo, ang kaya mo.”

Second.

                I got out of track of my priorities. Parand domino effect. Nawala sa Dean’s List, parang nawalan ng interest sa buhay for awhile. It was like, you come and go, the day come and ended….pumapasok ako, nagsusulat..pumapasok sa work, umuuwi. Para bang nawala ako sa agos ng universe.

Third.

                Ang pangit ko. Yan ang kadalasang tingin ko sa sarili ko at sa impression na rin ng ibang tao.  Ang sakit kaya. Ewan ko ba, kasalanan ko din to, pinabayan ko sarili ko. Ang sakit kaya masabihan ng ganun. Maliit na nga ako, tas pimpolin pa. Tas nakasimangot pa. O di ba, san ka pa?

Fourth.

                I like someone, I believe I do. Madalas na nasosobrahan, kaya kapag bumaligtad ang sitwasyon, masakit talaga..lalo na kung one-way. Lalo na kung ikaw lang. Pero kahit anong mangyari, I’ll always be friend-don’t think of friendzone thingy here (sanay na ako dun, hehe!), mas gusto ko maging kaibigan kasi alam kong kailangan niya ng malalapitan sa kahit anong oras, sa kahit anong sitwasyon, yung tipong kahit magsilbing taenga o panyo sa kanya na walang ilangan or awkward moment.. Dahil tulad niya, alam kong masakit ang masaktan, masakit yung umasa sa wala. Mas importante to kaysa sa nararamdaman ko o sa paghanga ko sa kanya. Di ko maexplain kung bakit, pero gets niyo yun..? Kasi siguro, siya yun..kasi siya yun. He is not a hypocrite. Kaya baka, iwasan ko muna tong "thing" na ito.

Healing-Gifts of God

Gift of Family:

                In my 18 years of existence, ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng complete family. Complete nung Chirstmas sa pang-araw araw. Yung may tatay, may nanay, may mga makukulit na kapatid na nakatira sa iisang bubong. A family that is bonded by God.

               Sobrang thankful ak.o kay Lord kasi He answered my prayer. Kahit my flaws, I’ve witness the changes in the hearts of each one of us. I’ve seen the efforts. I’ve felt and experienced the love, the security, the support and  the belongingness. Kaya siguro ganto ako magmahal, kasi punong puno ako ng pagmamahal mula sa pamilya ko and sa Lumikha.

Gift of Faith:

A myriad of times that my faith was put into test. A page of one or two is not enough. I am glad that I am able to attend The Feast and member a YFC for a year (thanks to my friend). I just want to share that living with your faith can give you an assurance that you are not alone. He is with you, always. I’ve seen how faith works. I’ve seen God in these experiences, in my life. I’ve seen Him in the faces of the strangers, of friends and in my family. And because of that,  I am blessed. And it a must for me to be blessing to others.

(c)Google images
logo for Kerygma 2013

Gift of Friends:

Kaibigan. Kasama mo sa hamon ng buhay. Sa kanila ko natutunan ang iba’t-ibang klase ng tao, mula sa iba’t-ibang culture. Sa kanila din ako humuhugot ng lakas ng loob. SIla din yung kasama mo tatawa sa mga kabangagan mo or kasabawan. Sila yung tipong kahit tawanan ka kasi natapilok or nadulas, pero sa huli, ibibigay pa rin yung kamay nila para itayo ka. Yung tipong aasarin ka pero yung sekreto sa inyo inyo pa rin. Sila yung nagpupush sa iyo na magsipag pa. Yung sasabihan ka ng “chill” sa mga oras na puno ka ng stress. Yung kasama mo umiyak at tumawa. Sila yung pupuntahan ka sa library dahil wala lang. Yung sasamahan ka sa food trip at sa lahat lahat ng bagay. I may be the thorns among the roses (madalas kasi na ako lang mag-isang girl sa amin, buti na lang may dumadagdag), ika nga ng isa kong kabigan kasi mainstream kapag the other way around (roses among the thorns)…, but at least I know that we got each other’s back. J

Library Family: Ma'am Lai, Ms. Daisy, Ate Neri, Bon, Rhen, Pauline, Yumi, Lara, Nica, Lois, Ate Apple and Me

From left: Chris, Eirch, Me, Junela

JV and Al

From left: Tropa: Russell, Jed. JV, Theo, JB and Me 

Gift of Time:

Sobrang thankful ako kasi Time has given a chance to correct mistakes. To see the worth of everything. To mind that our time is limited. TO remember that each one of us should appreciate what we have, and not look for what we don’t have. 

Gift of Strangers:

There a lot of strangers in my life that treated me as their family. Sobrang thankful ako sa kanila, sa pagkupkop sa amin ni mama…kahit papaano di ko naramdaman ang pagkukulang ng isa. Sobrang pasalamat ako, at sobrang mahal ko din sila. They thought me to welcome strangers in our life. To help not minding the cost. To share what we have. And to take care of our brothers.

 Gift of Opportunity:

 Being San Lorenzo Ruiz Working Scholar is one of the greatest gifts that I’ve ever had. Without this, siguro, out of school ako ngayon. Kaya sa aking buhay kolehiyo, I’ll live with my motto: Gagraduate akong Tomasinong Iskolar. J

Gift of Pain:

Most of us will do everything just to avoid pain. But I’ve learned that the more we avoid pain, the more it will intrude you. The year 2013 had brought so much pain in my life, some are physical pain, others emotional, mental and spiritual. So, when I realized the beauty of pain and learned to embrace it, I told myself to bring it on. OO masakit talaga masaktan, eh yung tusok nga ng karayom masakit di ba, what more sa mga bigger challenges. Who knows, Pain is just a blessing in disguise. J

That would be rear view of my life for the year 2013. For all the people who have been part of this journey, I have three sentences to say:

                Thank you.

                I’m sorry.

                I love you.

I hope that are relationship would last. J

Till we meet again. J

So I'm tired listening to my own rants.
Too tired that I cannot even understand.
So I decided to turn my back and forget.
But then I just end up crying.
Too tired of trying.

A light came down from above,
And told me, "Child, it is alright..
..hold my hand, and walk with me.
Rise up like the stars above."

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Warning: Rant of an ordinary girl, living in a hypocrite world.

Most of the time, I feel alone.

Wants?Dreams# 4

Gusto ko ng bitawan ang aking mga kahibangan, at mag-focus sa mga priority sa buhay. :)

Lord, let Your will be done. :)

Stellar

Have you ever had someone or something that leads you to the right direction? That makes you more closer to our Creator? That makes you a better person?


If so, be thankful, be blessed and be a blessing to others.

If not, it isn't too late to discover, for sure, he/she is just around. He maybe a friend, a family, or even a complete stranger. It can also be an event in your life, it could happen in its simplest form, or it could happen extravagantly.

Wants/Dreams # 3

Mag ice cream or yung tipong picnic or magworship/magsimba kasama ang mga mahal sa buhay.

Ang babaw eh, but simple things are really great for me. :)

Thought # 2

 May mga bagay na di muna dapat isipin o seryosohin.Darating yung sa tamang oras na may kaakibat na tamang aksyon.
^will keep this in mind.

The Drifting

I got the title of this post from a picture in Facebook.


Maraming bagay o pangyayari sa mundo na dimo namamalayan na na bigla kang mag u-turn. left turn or right turn. Yung tipong nag hahanap ka ng de tour. Yung akala nasa tamang daan ka, yun pala hindi. Yung akala mong two-way, pero yun pala one-way, kaya hahanap ka ng ibang daan para makarating dun..kaso, sa kahahanap mo ng daan, mas naligaw ka, mas naguluhan, siguro dahil sobra kang eager na malaman yung tamang daan, to the point na di mo na pinapansin yung mga signs...


Mahirap man kung tutuusin pero kung susubukang suyurin yung mga pagkakamali na nagawa, maaring bumalik at itama....di man ito tulad ng inaasahan, pero alam mo sa sarili mo yung mga dapat asahan, mga dapat isipin at unahin tignan...di lang yung tipong go lang ng go o sulong lang ng sulong. Madalas sa buhay, kailangan mag-isip. Kailangan magtimbang. Kailangang lumiko or kumanan, ang importanteng alam mo at tiwala ka na yun ang tamang daan

Wants # 2

Matapos ang Paskuhan with my friends.
To immortalize every moments with them.

Thought #1

Pwede pala maging masaya kung pipiliin kahit na may sakit kang nararamdaman.

Wants #1

I just want to spend time doing nothing but singing songs of praises as long as I'm with You, my God.
I miss attending The Feast-PICC and Manila. :) I miss everything.

121613

I woke up late.
I ate my breakfast late.
I was late in my first subject.

We took our 2nd hands-on exam.
Failed to get a hundred.
This was the second time around,
but at least, I still passed.


There were a lot of things that had happened.
Karamihan nakalulungkot, pero nagpapasalamat pa din ako.

At least, I still woke up.
At least, I still ate my food.
At least, I was able to attend my first subject.
At least, I was able to passed it.
At least, I was able to see my friends.
At least, I was able to know that I'm alive.
At least, I learned a lot from my mistakes.

That's all. God bless.

121513

While eating alone at Sisig Express a while ago.

..

Totoo pala yung sinasabi ng isa kong kaibigan... I give more, to the point na ako naman yung nade-drain.

Wala lang, ang lungkot kumain mag-isa, lalo na pag-ganitong panahon. At saka, yung tipong ilang araw mo pinag-iisipan, sampal sa mukha lang pala yung sagot. Sa panahong ganto, i miss my mom. Heart to heart talks with her make things easier.

Yun lang. O sige, back to school works.

Twilight

120913

I am supposed to be sleeping right now, but I can't.
Sorry, but I am feeling down right now.
Nakakahiya.
Minsan na lang nga ako makatulong, iba pa yung naging resulta.
Oh well, mag-aaral na lang ako ng super para next time, alam na alam na.

Sorry. Sorry sa sarili ko. Sorrry din sa iyo.
Next time, I won't fail you. Babawi ako.