Epilogue

                Hello 2014, the scent of fireworks is still here. Morning dew along with cold breeze woke me up. Seeing how the sun smiles at me fills so much energy in me. Hearing my siblings’ laughter is a sign that I’m not alone. The scent of ham and cheese and spaghetti fills the air. And here I am, lying in the comfort of my temple.

Prequel

Another blank page in my life has begun and is worthy to be written by surprises.

Another chance that God has given to me to live life to the fullest.

Another chance to love, to forgive, to push ourselves to the limit.

But before anything else, I would like to look at the rear view of my life. My ups and downs.

2013 was a bang.

Numerous significant events had happened in anyway. Some had made me cry, some had made me laugh. Some had brought so much pain. Some had brought so much happiness. Sometimes, I was wondering if it was just a dream or reality.

 Wounds

First.

      I thought that I was smooth sailing. Pero, di pala. I got out of the Dean’s list for two consecutive sems. Sobrang sakit, di kasi ako sanay na bumagsak. Pero anong magagawa natin..? Mag mukmok na lang ba at isisi sa iba ang sakit na ito. Like what my mom said to me, “Okay lang yan, bawi ka na lang. Wag pilitin ang sarili mo, ibigay mo lang ang best mo, ang kaya mo.”

Second.

                I got out of track of my priorities. Parand domino effect. Nawala sa Dean’s List, parang nawalan ng interest sa buhay for awhile. It was like, you come and go, the day come and ended….pumapasok ako, nagsusulat..pumapasok sa work, umuuwi. Para bang nawala ako sa agos ng universe.

Third.

                Ang pangit ko. Yan ang kadalasang tingin ko sa sarili ko at sa impression na rin ng ibang tao.  Ang sakit kaya. Ewan ko ba, kasalanan ko din to, pinabayan ko sarili ko. Ang sakit kaya masabihan ng ganun. Maliit na nga ako, tas pimpolin pa. Tas nakasimangot pa. O di ba, san ka pa?

Fourth.

                I like someone, I believe I do. Madalas na nasosobrahan, kaya kapag bumaligtad ang sitwasyon, masakit talaga..lalo na kung one-way. Lalo na kung ikaw lang. Pero kahit anong mangyari, I’ll always be friend-don’t think of friendzone thingy here (sanay na ako dun, hehe!), mas gusto ko maging kaibigan kasi alam kong kailangan niya ng malalapitan sa kahit anong oras, sa kahit anong sitwasyon, yung tipong kahit magsilbing taenga o panyo sa kanya na walang ilangan or awkward moment.. Dahil tulad niya, alam kong masakit ang masaktan, masakit yung umasa sa wala. Mas importante to kaysa sa nararamdaman ko o sa paghanga ko sa kanya. Di ko maexplain kung bakit, pero gets niyo yun..? Kasi siguro, siya yun..kasi siya yun. He is not a hypocrite. Kaya baka, iwasan ko muna tong "thing" na ito.

Healing-Gifts of God

Gift of Family:

                In my 18 years of existence, ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng complete family. Complete nung Chirstmas sa pang-araw araw. Yung may tatay, may nanay, may mga makukulit na kapatid na nakatira sa iisang bubong. A family that is bonded by God.

               Sobrang thankful ak.o kay Lord kasi He answered my prayer. Kahit my flaws, I’ve witness the changes in the hearts of each one of us. I’ve seen the efforts. I’ve felt and experienced the love, the security, the support and  the belongingness. Kaya siguro ganto ako magmahal, kasi punong puno ako ng pagmamahal mula sa pamilya ko and sa Lumikha.

Gift of Faith:

A myriad of times that my faith was put into test. A page of one or two is not enough. I am glad that I am able to attend The Feast and member a YFC for a year (thanks to my friend). I just want to share that living with your faith can give you an assurance that you are not alone. He is with you, always. I’ve seen how faith works. I’ve seen God in these experiences, in my life. I’ve seen Him in the faces of the strangers, of friends and in my family. And because of that,  I am blessed. And it a must for me to be blessing to others.

(c)Google images
logo for Kerygma 2013

Gift of Friends:

Kaibigan. Kasama mo sa hamon ng buhay. Sa kanila ko natutunan ang iba’t-ibang klase ng tao, mula sa iba’t-ibang culture. Sa kanila din ako humuhugot ng lakas ng loob. SIla din yung kasama mo tatawa sa mga kabangagan mo or kasabawan. Sila yung tipong kahit tawanan ka kasi natapilok or nadulas, pero sa huli, ibibigay pa rin yung kamay nila para itayo ka. Yung tipong aasarin ka pero yung sekreto sa inyo inyo pa rin. Sila yung nagpupush sa iyo na magsipag pa. Yung sasabihan ka ng “chill” sa mga oras na puno ka ng stress. Yung kasama mo umiyak at tumawa. Sila yung pupuntahan ka sa library dahil wala lang. Yung sasamahan ka sa food trip at sa lahat lahat ng bagay. I may be the thorns among the roses (madalas kasi na ako lang mag-isang girl sa amin, buti na lang may dumadagdag), ika nga ng isa kong kabigan kasi mainstream kapag the other way around (roses among the thorns)…, but at least I know that we got each other’s back. J

Library Family: Ma'am Lai, Ms. Daisy, Ate Neri, Bon, Rhen, Pauline, Yumi, Lara, Nica, Lois, Ate Apple and Me

From left: Chris, Eirch, Me, Junela

JV and Al

From left: Tropa: Russell, Jed. JV, Theo, JB and Me 

Gift of Time:

Sobrang thankful ako kasi Time has given a chance to correct mistakes. To see the worth of everything. To mind that our time is limited. TO remember that each one of us should appreciate what we have, and not look for what we don’t have. 

Gift of Strangers:

There a lot of strangers in my life that treated me as their family. Sobrang thankful ako sa kanila, sa pagkupkop sa amin ni mama…kahit papaano di ko naramdaman ang pagkukulang ng isa. Sobrang pasalamat ako, at sobrang mahal ko din sila. They thought me to welcome strangers in our life. To help not minding the cost. To share what we have. And to take care of our brothers.

 Gift of Opportunity:

 Being San Lorenzo Ruiz Working Scholar is one of the greatest gifts that I’ve ever had. Without this, siguro, out of school ako ngayon. Kaya sa aking buhay kolehiyo, I’ll live with my motto: Gagraduate akong Tomasinong Iskolar. J

Gift of Pain:

Most of us will do everything just to avoid pain. But I’ve learned that the more we avoid pain, the more it will intrude you. The year 2013 had brought so much pain in my life, some are physical pain, others emotional, mental and spiritual. So, when I realized the beauty of pain and learned to embrace it, I told myself to bring it on. OO masakit talaga masaktan, eh yung tusok nga ng karayom masakit di ba, what more sa mga bigger challenges. Who knows, Pain is just a blessing in disguise. J

That would be rear view of my life for the year 2013. For all the people who have been part of this journey, I have three sentences to say:

                Thank you.

                I’m sorry.

                I love you.

I hope that are relationship would last. J

Till we meet again. J

So I'm tired listening to my own rants.
Too tired that I cannot even understand.
So I decided to turn my back and forget.
But then I just end up crying.
Too tired of trying.

A light came down from above,
And told me, "Child, it is alright..
..hold my hand, and walk with me.
Rise up like the stars above."

123113

Warning: Rant of an ordinary girl, living in a hypocrite world.

Most of the time, I feel alone.

Wants?Dreams# 4

Gusto ko ng bitawan ang aking mga kahibangan, at mag-focus sa mga priority sa buhay. :)

Lord, let Your will be done. :)

Stellar

Have you ever had someone or something that leads you to the right direction? That makes you more closer to our Creator? That makes you a better person?


If so, be thankful, be blessed and be a blessing to others.

If not, it isn't too late to discover, for sure, he/she is just around. He maybe a friend, a family, or even a complete stranger. It can also be an event in your life, it could happen in its simplest form, or it could happen extravagantly.

Wants/Dreams # 3

Mag ice cream or yung tipong picnic or magworship/magsimba kasama ang mga mahal sa buhay.

Ang babaw eh, but simple things are really great for me. :)

Thought # 2

 May mga bagay na di muna dapat isipin o seryosohin.Darating yung sa tamang oras na may kaakibat na tamang aksyon.
^will keep this in mind.

The Drifting

I got the title of this post from a picture in Facebook.


Maraming bagay o pangyayari sa mundo na dimo namamalayan na na bigla kang mag u-turn. left turn or right turn. Yung tipong nag hahanap ka ng de tour. Yung akala nasa tamang daan ka, yun pala hindi. Yung akala mong two-way, pero yun pala one-way, kaya hahanap ka ng ibang daan para makarating dun..kaso, sa kahahanap mo ng daan, mas naligaw ka, mas naguluhan, siguro dahil sobra kang eager na malaman yung tamang daan, to the point na di mo na pinapansin yung mga signs...


Mahirap man kung tutuusin pero kung susubukang suyurin yung mga pagkakamali na nagawa, maaring bumalik at itama....di man ito tulad ng inaasahan, pero alam mo sa sarili mo yung mga dapat asahan, mga dapat isipin at unahin tignan...di lang yung tipong go lang ng go o sulong lang ng sulong. Madalas sa buhay, kailangan mag-isip. Kailangan magtimbang. Kailangang lumiko or kumanan, ang importanteng alam mo at tiwala ka na yun ang tamang daan

Wants # 2

Matapos ang Paskuhan with my friends.
To immortalize every moments with them.

Thought #1

Pwede pala maging masaya kung pipiliin kahit na may sakit kang nararamdaman.

Wants #1

I just want to spend time doing nothing but singing songs of praises as long as I'm with You, my God.
I miss attending The Feast-PICC and Manila. :) I miss everything.

121613

I woke up late.
I ate my breakfast late.
I was late in my first subject.

We took our 2nd hands-on exam.
Failed to get a hundred.
This was the second time around,
but at least, I still passed.


There were a lot of things that had happened.
Karamihan nakalulungkot, pero nagpapasalamat pa din ako.

At least, I still woke up.
At least, I still ate my food.
At least, I was able to attend my first subject.
At least, I was able to passed it.
At least, I was able to see my friends.
At least, I was able to know that I'm alive.
At least, I learned a lot from my mistakes.

That's all. God bless.

121513

While eating alone at Sisig Express a while ago.

..

Totoo pala yung sinasabi ng isa kong kaibigan... I give more, to the point na ako naman yung nade-drain.

Wala lang, ang lungkot kumain mag-isa, lalo na pag-ganitong panahon. At saka, yung tipong ilang araw mo pinag-iisipan, sampal sa mukha lang pala yung sagot. Sa panahong ganto, i miss my mom. Heart to heart talks with her make things easier.

Yun lang. O sige, back to school works.

Twilight

120913

I am supposed to be sleeping right now, but I can't.
Sorry, but I am feeling down right now.
Nakakahiya.
Minsan na lang nga ako makatulong, iba pa yung naging resulta.
Oh well, mag-aaral na lang ako ng super para next time, alam na alam na.

Sorry. Sorry sa sarili ko. Sorrry din sa iyo.
Next time, I won't fail you. Babawi ako.

You're my inspiration.
Thanks for everything.

Roses are red.

And it is you.

Hope you don't mind, but I'm in love with you.

--

sunod sunod ang mga lines sa utak ko. shocks.

back to business.

Hello Acads! Bring it on, baby!

Answered Pray'r

I asked, "Pain, bring it on!"
He heard my cry.
Day by day, it keeps on coming.
I thought I was going to die.

but hey. You know what?
I'm still here.
Trying my best to smile.
Cause I know, bacon
        will come in a while.

Thursday.

I saw you from a distance.
Walking towards you.
Then second thoughts just arrived.
Should I just walk by..?

Thank you for your striking words. I thought I was going to cry, but you know what? You just made me stronger. :)

Hi. Na-miss ko to. Ang daming nangyare these past few days. Ang dami kong gusto ikuwento, pero sa ngayon, gusto ko lang magpasalamat. 

SALAMAT SA LAHAT-LAHAT!

SALAMAT SA IYO.

SALAMAT SA MGA KAIBIGAN KO

SALAMAT SA PAMILYA KO

SALAMAT SA TAONG LAGING NANDIYAN

SALAMAT SA MGA BIYAYA

SALAMAT SA SAKIT NA NADARAMA KO

SALAMAT SA MGA ARAW NA PATULOY AKONG UMAASA

SALAMAT SA BUHAY NA ITO

at higit sa lahat

SALAMAT SA IYO, LORD! :) words are not enough to thank you, O God. Sabi nga ng Prof ko, kung gusto ko magpasalamat, I should thank the recipient through ACTIONS.

#30

Love over Death

Do you believe that LOVE is more powerful than DEATH? Why or why not?

  

"Whose face do I behold mirrored

Upon the water I am about to drink?

I dare not to drink the vision that I prolong!

If I die, bury me not

AT the cross of San Felix: bury me

Under your fingernails, that I may

be eaten along with every food you eat;

That I may be drunk along with every cup 

you drink."

- Laji 97 by Florentino Hornedo

Yes, I believe that love is more powerful than death even though love can’t stop death from occurring. Likewise, death cannot separate us from our loved ones or it cannot take away love in our lives. As what Mr. Florentino Hornedo’s poem Laji 97 says, he uses water and food to make the abstractedness of love concrete. He defines love as eternal in our temporary lives. Love, like water and food, is consumed. Even though water is evaporated and food is digested (means to say that sometimes we tend to lose those precious things) the essence or the nutrients that we can get from them are still in our body and they give us energy. Love is the source of life. Love sustains people. Love is enough.

I would like to end this by quoting sentence from the article that I have read in Psychology Today, posted last July 2012: “The BOND of LOVE TRANSCEND DEATH.”

Kapos

"12 lang ang napili sa try-out, pang 13 ako."

Sounds familiar, right? that is from a commercial when the kid was so sad because he wasn't able to be in the team.

well, that is also my feeling right now. Uhm, 48 passing sa exam, then I got 47. And that exam is basis whether you'll be able to get a voucher for the real Certification exam (IBM-DB2). Well, as you can see, my score wasn;t good enough. It made me feel sad. Yung tipong, isang point na lang...why? bakit di pa umabot? Yes, I asked myself why. Hmm, ang sakit lang..SOBRA.

But then, like what Bro. Bo has said, "we are equally blessed whether we gain something or we lose something." That statement is a real eye-opener. I may lose the chance of being a certified in DB2, but I know that it has a purpose, everything has purpose.

Okay, that's all. thank you. God bless.

Ito na naman.

Di na natuto..
-OPM

**
Ito na naman. Akala ko wala na..bumabalik na naman. *Sigh* di na natuto.
Nakakasenti naman yung ulan..bakit kaya?

Sige. Wala ako maisip na maisulat, kasi blangko utak ko. Ilang araw na ring magulo eh.
*sigh*

Spring in the Desert

Just for once, I'm only begging for your trust. Is it hard to do considering that I'm your daughter?
--
He's mad again Bakit? Kasi iniisip niya may ginagawa akong kabalbalan sa mga nagdaang araw. Yung araw na binagyo at bumaha ng katakot-takot. Iniisip niyang may iba kong pinupuntahan. Lagi akong mali sa paningin niya. DI ko alam kung bakit. Sa tingin ko di naman niya ako ganoon kakilala, di ko siya kasama lumaki- ilang taong ni anino niya ay di ko man lang masilayan.

Mahihinuha na may pait ang tono ng aking mga salita. OO, mayroon, ngunit pasalamat ako sa ina ko walang sawang nagpapaalala sa akin sa papa ko, na gusto lang niyang protektahan ako. OO naiintidihan ko yun. Buong buhay ko yun ang itinanim ko sa puso, utak at buong pagkatao. BUong buhay kong iniisip at dinadama na mahal niya ako. Pero bakit tiwala lang naman ang hinihiling ko di pa niya maibigay? Ginagawa ko naman ang lahat kahit mahirap. SInusubsob ang utak ko sa mga libro at computer para lang mapasama sa top, kahit minsan di ko na naiintindihan. Pilit kong pinapatay yung mga nararamdaman para ni isang paghanga ay wala akong madama. Pilit kong isinasantabi ang mga kaibigan ko para sundin ang gusto niya: "Bahay-School, repeat the cycle. Bawal dito, bawal nito. Wag monggawin yan.Ito ang dapat mong gawin. Naiintindihan mo ba? Pag di mo ginawa yan, di mo magugustuhan ang gagawin ko sa iyo."

Sa isip-isip ko, bakit ganoon siya..? ganoon ba talaga? Di naman ako robot o program na pwedeng i-implement ang command na gusto niya. Tao rin ako, napapagod, nagsasawa sa kaapaliwanag na wala naman akong ginagawang masama. Lola ko yung pinupuntahan ko dun, estrangherong kumopkop sa amin ng kami'y inabanduna niya...mga estranghero pumuno sa pagkukulang niya. Mga estranghero na turing sa amin ni mama na pamilya. Bakit ganun na lang siya manghinala sa akin? Napapagod na ako. Gusto ko umiyak. Gusto ko magalit kaso di pwede, di ko kaya....tatay ko siya eh. mahal ko siya.masama magalit sa magulang.

Kaya ito, sana pagkatiwalaan na niya ako..kasi gusto ko lang pagkatiwalaan. Pakiramdam ko kasi, ako pa rin yung Melrose na di buo...na broken..

Sa tingin ko ang best na gawin ay ang ipagpray ang kahihinatnan nito at gawin ko ang tama. :)

I would like to end this up by quoting an advice from a great friend of mine, his name is Theodore, Theo for short. He is from heaven, in short an angel in human form and from my mom, my ever loving mom (their thoughts are the same):

Theo:

Ganito, there is nothing to be sad about...yes it is painful but I declare, GOD SAW EVERYTHING! He will never leave you Maybe, God allow those things to happen because of the preparation of your future...what happened to us in tha past has a connection in the future...

and prove Him na he is wrong

mas ipakita mo na dapat syang magtiwala sayo

There will come a time, marerealize nya na nagkamali sya

Mama:

Intindihin mo siya 'nak. Wag ka magtanim ng galit. Ipakita mo na mali siyana, na pwede ka niya pagkatiwalaan. 

His words are right. :) And I know that God is talking, and He used my friend and my mom as an instrument to tell me these words of wisdom. And you know what, it feels so good that God is always here in the form of others. :)

Lost

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh and I'm just waiting 'till the shine wears off
-Lost by Cold Play


I am lost in my own map.

For these past few days, madalas kong nakikita ang sarili kong tulala, mukhang malalim ang iniisip pero wala naman. Madalas akong makalimot ng mga bagay na dapat kong tandaan. Madalas akong naligaw kung sa'n man.

For these past few days, mabilis ako makaramdam ng dismaya, ng lungkot. Actually, ngayon nalulungkot ako...di ko rin kasi alam kung ano na yung nangyayari sa buhay ko. Para bang sunod na lang sa agos ng buhay yung pinag-gagawa ko. I kept on turning left, on looking for some possible detours, until I realized that I was lost in my own track. It was like a maze wherein I got stuck in the dead end.

I want to go back. I need to know where I stumble. I have to trace the root of this insanity. I have to reconstruct the map, the script of my life. Of course, I cannot do it on my own, I need help.

Oh God, please help me. Let Your will be done.

#hellotherefriend?

From a stranger to someone I can't stop thinking about.

I don't understand. Why?

Bakit mas madaling magsulat o lumikha ng isang katha kapag ang isang tao o yung mismong lumilikha ay nalulumbay o may pinagdadaanan? Dahil ba mas madaling iligay sa isang lalagyan ang mga salitang makakapag-uri sa ating nararamdaman? O dahil wala tayong mapagsabihan o makausap kaya mas pinipili nating kausapin ang pluma at papel o ang computer natin?

Noong mga nakaraang araw, taon na marahil ang nakalipas. Akala ko kasabay na ring lumipas ang paghanga ko sa isang taong nakilala ko noon. Akala ko wala na. Pero bakit ganun? Bakit mistulang kumakatok na naman ito at sinasabing pakinggan mo ang pagkabog nito. Siya na kaya ang hinihintay ko? Natatakot ako, kung siya man. Mabuti kaming magkaibigan..oo, magkaibigan kaming maituturing. Nasa isa't-isa kami sa oras nang kagipitan, nang kasiyahan, at minsan pa nga sa mga oras na walang katuturan. Parehas naming nasasakyan ang mga kapilyuhan ng isa't-isa. Pareho kaming umibig at umiibig ngunit patuloy din namang nasasaktan. Pareho kaming may hinahangaan ngunit hindi sa isa't-isa kundi sa ibang taong mistulang di naman kami nakikita.

Sa bawat pagkakataon na nabibigyan ako ng panahon o oras na makasama, makausap siya, panibagong aral ang aking nalalaman. Para bang sa mga oras na lumilipas ay mas nakikilala ko siya. Sa bawat oras na nalalagas, parang mas nakikita ko kung sino siya...ang tunay niyang kulay. Mas nakikita ko ang katauhang nagkukubli sa maskara ng tuwa at kalakasan. Hindi ko sinasabing mahina siya--sa totoo lang, isa siya sa mga matatag na tao na nakilala ko-- ngunit ramdam ko ang lungkot na pinanghahawakan niya..ang lungkot na parang hindi niya mabitawan dahil siguro matatakot siya. Parang ako, may mga bagay na natatakot akong bitawan--mga bagay na sanhi ng lungkot at saya rin kung minsan. Mga bagay na kung bibitawan ko ay di ko alam kung masisiyahan ako o mas lalong malulungkot o manghihinayang. Pero, kung ano pa man iyong "bagay" na iyon, alam kong may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari ang mga iyon. May halaga rin iyon na nagtatago sa mukha ng kalungkutan. Darating din ang araw na mauunawan ito.

Ayaw ko sanang kilalanin ang nararamdamang ito dahil ayaw kung gumuho ang kung anong meron kami ngayon. Hindi ko kayang makita na masira ang pagkakaibigan namin dahil  sa "kung-ano-mang-bagay-na-ito-na-di-ko-mawari-kung-ano". Masaya ako na makitang masaya siya. at higit sa lahat, masaya ako na nakilala ko siya. Lubos ang pagpapasalamat ko sa Diyos dahil bigyan niya ako ng pagkakataon na makilala ang napakabuting taong ito.

Bakit kaya siya dumating sa buhay ko? Bakit ko siya nakilala?
HIndi ko rin alam ang sagot. Marahil para maging kaibigan niya..Para alagaan siya. ipadama na may kwenta siya. Naniniwala akong hindi naman tayo matutong magmahal kung hindi tayo una at patuloy na minamahal ng Lumikha sa atin. Sa tingin ko, yun naman ang gusto ng lahat. maging ako, ay iyon din ang aking hinihiling.

Sa huli, naniniwala ako sa kasabihang "God has always the best plan for us." may dahilan ang mga bagay bagay..kailangan lang natin makita at maintindihan ang mga ito. At higit sa lahat, ang maniwala at magtiwala sa Diyos na lumikha sa atin. Ika nga, hintay hintay din pag may time, may oras na sa mga bagay bagay. Sa ngayon, aral muna ang aatupagin ko, kailangan ko pang makapagtapos--makapagtapos na isang Tomasinong Iskolar at may karangalan.
Oh Lord, let Your will be done.


hmm, lumalalim na ang gabi. At dapat nagpapahinga na ako. Salamat sa oras na ginugol niyo para basahin ito. :) Nawa'y hindi ko nasayang ang oras na iyon. Sa muli, kaibigan.

Queues of Unexpected Events

If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time

-Time after Time 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last week lang ito nangyari.

First Part.

Huwebes (Thursday), ika-25 ng Hulyo, 2013 (July 25, 2013)

Bago pa man matapos ang isang araw, ugali ko ng maglista ng mga gagawin. I have a habit of organizing things according to my schedule. Kaya, kinuha ko ang handy-dandy notebook ko (that terms was used in Blue's Clues, obvious bang hilig ko rin yun?)  at ang aking pluma (ballpen) at sinimulang ilista ang mga dapat kong gawin.

Matapos kong gawin yun, napansin kong ang hectic ng schedule ko for the next day. As in hectic, super tight schedule, walang break ika nga.. Buti pa ang Kitkat, may break. So, ito yung line up ng sched ko nung para sa Friday:

8-11: duty

11-3: class

3-4: sem1 quiz

4-5: make-up class

5-6: cs113 quiz

6-8: duty

Pagkatapos, pinuntahan ko yung kaibigan ko at sinabi ko ang tungkol dito, to my surprise, she promised me that she will give me Kitkat  the next day.

So, fastforward....after ng duty ko sa library(working scholar pala ako), umuwi na ako at nagpahinga...

Part 2

Biyernes (Friday), ika-26 ng Hulyo, 2013 (July 26,2013)

So ayon, mejo nalate na nagising at kamuntik na ring malate sa duty ko...at laking gulat ko na chill chill lang kami sa duty, kasi ika-408th year na ng library namin (alam niyo na kung san ako nagtatrabaho at nag-aaral... sa Royal at Pontifical Catholic University of the Philippines-Ang Universoty of Santo Tomas). Nagparade kami around the campus at sobrang ingay namin-paano ba naman, minsan lang kami mag-ingay, kasi we keep on observing silence at all times. :)

Then after that, we had our mass and Father Aparicio gave us the homily. Then, we received food stub. Ang saya kasi Milk Tea na large ang size and a slice of pizza. Sobrang saya ko na dun kasi masaya na talaga ako sa bagay na iyon, minsan lang yun eh. Then fast forward, we had fun. Nagsaya kami sa libraries..window shopping sa book fair, meet with an author, jamming with the librarians- hindi ko na namalayan ang oras, malapit na pala akong pumasok sa klase. Kaya, umalis na ako ng maaga-aga. Pagkatapos, nakarating na ako sa klase ko.siya. She is like a sister to me. Then yung super duper cute friend ko, inabot sa akin yung Kitkat na promise niya. Sobrang thankful ako kasi may isang salita at super concern  A friend of mine told me that the make-up class for one of our subjects was moved. So, again, natuwa na naman ako kasi unexpected talaga yun. Akala ko 4-5 pm yun but then, it was moved to 12-1. So, less stress na iyon. Then after sometime, nakapag-exam na ako for CS113 and SEM1 and fast forward, pumunta na ako ng library para mag duty, tapos, yun pala, wala na kaming duty (6 to 8 shifts).

Ang galing talaga ni Lord kasi, ang galing niya. I cannot fathom how great God is. Imagined, I had only seen how bad the day will be but then God ironed things out and really "unexpected" things happen when we let God works and when we trust Him.

Realization that happened few seconds ago

While chatting with my crush...(July 30, 2013)
.
.
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I realized this thought. And my mind keeps on bugging this message to me.

It was just an apparent feeling. Pure illusion that we might feel like it was the reality. We often thought of it as love. and we often caught in that trap.

Sad but true. And most of the time, truth hurts but like what the old proverbs said, it-Truth-sets us free.

Never say Die

So, I’ve been experiencing a series of unfortunate events in a particular subject of mine. It is a technical course where in you have to experience and understand an alternative operating system. Here is the dilemma, so far, we had three quizzes and none of them resulted in  flying color. I’ve been, uhmm well, trying to understand it. I had understood our topic and most of our exercise, I got it well. Pero pagdumating na yung quiz, nga nga. Uhm, ano kaya ang mali? Saan kaya ako nagkamali? I cannot blame my professor, the only one I could blame is myself. Yes, me, myself and I. Ang sakit lang kasi di ba, pinag-aralan mo kinagabihan, ginawa mo nang ilang araw yung exercise tapos nagturo ka pa sa mga kaklase but then what? Bagsak.Failed.  Siguro sa syntax? Sa pag-intindi ng sagot?

Sa totoo lang kaya ako nalulungkot kasi ayaw ko lang ng paulit-ulit na bumabagsak. Kasi di ako sanay na palagiang bumabagsak. Ako kasi yung tipo ng tao na takot bumagsak, takot makaramdam ng sakit, takot sa maraming bagay kahit na sa tingin ng iba na ang lakas lakas ko—na ang tapang tapang ko. Parang ang plastic lang no. Pero yun eh. PEro kailangan ko maging matapang sa kahit na anong takot na pwedeng iharap sa akin. Parte to ng buhay eh, parte to ng pagiging tao. Kailangan ng sakit, kailangan bumagsak para makatayo muli.

Kaya sa huli, kung ma-o-OBE man ako, edi harapin ko yun, at least I had a chance para maexperience ko kung ano ba yung ginagawa sa OBE, kung magreretake ba ng exam o exercise. Either way, at least alam ko na pwede pang bumawi. At saka di pa huli ang lahat, simula pa lang to. Marami pa ako pagdadaanan. Ang importante eh may natutunan ako sa pagkakamali ko noon. Ang importante, marunong ako bumangon sa muling pagkakabagsak at haharapin iyon nang may ngiti sa mukha at sa buong pagkatao ko. 

Kaya, never quit..kasi ang loser ay ang quitter. 

#30

Una

Tula 101

Nais kong lumikha ng tula.
Ngunit, tila walang mapiga,
Sa utak ni puso'y walangwala.
Oh Tula! Paano ako magsisimula?

Tila mga ligaw na tupa,
Mga salita lumitaw tuwina.
Sulat dito sulat doon.
Ngunit saan paroroon?

Sa huli, pluma'y kinuha,
Papel ay inihanda.
Tatlong saknong ay nailikha
Tuwa sa mukha'y naipinta.

-Melrose Calamba

Believing in Miracles part 1

There can be miracles when you believe
-When You Believe by Whitney Houston
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Having life is already a miracle. Seeing sunrise and sunset, breathing, waking up and even sleeping are also miracles. Everything in this world is a miracle, whether you believe it or not. :)

I am going to share a part of my life wherein I've witnessed a certain miracle that had happened to me and to my mom. :)

CONFESSION

My mom and I were about to meet my dad (well,I was about eight years old and for that years, I haven't seen my dad, well it was some sort of broken home thingy..). It was a sunny day and wind was cool, it was a good day for some refreshing things. We went to Baclaran Redemptorist church to meet my dad. Then my mom didn't notice that her phone didn't have load. It was zero balance. As far as I remember, we were not able to go to a store to reload it because if we went into someplace, we might missed the chance to see my dad. So, we didn't know how to contact him, then time passed by, there was this old man, he was about 60-79 years old. He was wearing formal clothes. So my mom asked him if she could use his phone to text my father, then without any hesitation, the old man gave his phone, and he said that my mom can call my dad. After that, she returned his phone and expressed her deep gratitude towards the old guy, and when we turned our back for like three seconds and faced him again, he was gone.

We looked for him but we couldn't find him. In the end, we were able to meet my dad and spent time with him.


Ten years had passed since then, but I cannot forget how good he was. He didn't seem tired of his age and of his life. For the eyes of an eight year old kid, he was very satisfied and happy. Now, I don't know if he was angel or just a human with super speed, but I realized two things, first- there are still good people amidst of all the atrocities in our life, second-in that early age of mine.. Miracle did happen and it will always happen. :)

#30.

Question for the day.

ANo ang gusto mo? Bakit?

Thomasian Journey Year 2.5

Eng 4 1.5
Math 103 2.0
Math 109 2.5
Cs 102 2.25
Ics7 2.25
Assembly lec 1.75
Assembly lab 2.75
Accounting II 1.25
This shows my grade for 2nd year, 2nd semester SY: 2012-2013.

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How can I sum up this sem for me? Hmm, this sem was a roller coaster, it was a wheel..but like any roller coaster ride, it will end.

Uhm. Ang hirap simulan. Di ko alam kung saan magsisimula. Kung paano magsisimula. Anong mga salita ang aking gagamitin, in short I have no idea about this.

This semester was hard for me, believe me. When I say it was hard, it was really hard. But I knew that I can aced it, but I was too confident with myself, so when I found out that I was not a part of a Dean’s List, it felt like the gravity had pulled me down as fast as it can be. 

Ang hirap ng mga subjects para sa semestrong ito, kahit na kakaonti lamang, oo mahirap pa rin. Lalo na ng nabawasan ng mga minor subjects at marami-rami ang mga subjects na kung saan ako mahina. Oral Communication, Accounting II, Files Organization, Web Design and Interface, Integral Calculus, Probability and Statistics, Assembly Lecture, Assembly Lab ang mga subjects ko for this sem, kung mapapansin niyo, mahirap talaga. Mahina ako sa math, mahina din ako mag programming.

Mental Models. Iterative Design. 

Ang mental models ay isang konsepto na natutunan ko sa ICS 7 aka as Web Design and Interface (biruin mo may natutunan pala ako dun, lol.meron naman, marami naman). Ang mga Mental Models ay ang mga imaheng nabubuo sa utak (malamang, san pa ba? ) natin kung sa atin maaring maging hadlang sa atin upang makamit ang goal natin. In other words, it is a barrier that should be torn down. A blockage that should be eliminated. On the other hand, Iterative Design is the best way to produce a well product. Thru iteration, we can get almost perfect outcomes. Perfect in terms of usability, functionality and durability.

Constant of Integration.

Ito naman ang hindi dapat kalimutan sa pagsagot ng integral calculus (pwera na lang kung Definite Integral). Sa pag-integrate ng mga equations, we should not forget to affix the Constant C at the end of every equation. C is important in Integral Calculus. It should be constant.

Credit and Debit must be balanced. There should be reconciliation.

Isa itong konsepto sa accounting. Kailangan balance ang debit at credit, kasi kapag hindi maaring may kulang at maaring makaapekto ito. O kaya kapag hindi balance, kailangan malaman kung san hindi nagbalanse, kailangan pantay ang record kapag kinounter check ng bank at ng kompanya, pag di balance, kailangan mag prepare ng reconciliation ang kompanya, para klaro ang lahat.

Rapport. Clear and concise.

These are just some things that we should consider every time we deliver something, it could a speech, a debate, a job interview, etc. Rapport is important in each and every one of us. We can get the audience’s   respect if they know that we respect our selves too and even them. And they can understand us if we ourselves knows what is going on around us.

Complicated Language can be Simplified by Understanding them.

Isa itong paraan para maintnidihan ng lubusan ang assembly. Ang Assembly ay isang programming language, it is a low-level language, meaning, napaka technical ng mga terms, parang isang robot. '

Hal. MOV AH,2 INT 21H. 

Different Ways to Organize Files-Different Algorithms; same goal.

Ito naman ay para sa CS 102. Dito, natutunan ko na marami palang algorithm (solutions to problem) para i-sort ang mga files. Para ayusin ang mga magugulong files. Maraming paraan para maayos ang mga bagay na mistulang magulo. Basta alamin natin kung ano ang problema, makagagawa tayo ng mga solutions.

Study of chances is Probability. Every word is Important. 

Isa ito sa mga field sa Statistics. Our chances of getting what we want can be computed here, but we should always think that numbers are uncertain too. Thus, we should look for signs, in terms of statistics, we should look at the data given, the words used, because sometimes the answers are just in front of our eyes, ‘ika nga ng mga matatanda, “Nasa harapan mo na ang ahas, tutuklawin ka na lang.”

Ilan lang yan sa mga konseptong natutunan ko. At bawat talata, bawat konsepto na nabasa niyo, o maaring nalalaman niyo rin, ay maaring magamit sa reyalidad ng buhay. Ang konseptong ito ay di lamang sa apat na sulok ng silid aralan matututunan, di lang sa unibersidad o paaralan kung san ka naka-enroll, kundi maging sa tunay na buhay. 

Kaya ko ito naisulat sapagkat ako mismo, makaranas ng mga bagay na ito. 

Oo, sa maikling panahon, sa loob ng 5 buwan,marami akong natutunan, mukhang marami pero, iilan pa ito sa mga dapat kong malaman, dapat matutunan

Ang pag-iisip ko na mahina ako sa math, o sa programming ay lubos na nakaapekto sa akin. Masyado akong kinain ng mentalidad ito. Bukod dito, ang pag-iisip ko na kaya ko ang lahat that I don’t need 911 (in short help) really knocked me down. I was wrong. I wasn’t that strong. I was a great pretender. Relying in our own strength makes us weak. Quite ironic, right? But it is true. If keep on relying to ourselves, if we reach the point that we keep on believing that we are strong enough, that we don’t need help, the more we look weak, the more we become pathetic. No man in an island.  Masyado akong naging kampante, nakalimutan ko na without GOD I am nothing. Naging inactive ako sa Youth for Christ, dinahilan ko pang ang  duty ko. Nalihis ako ng landas.

Hindi ko rin nagawang balansehin ang ibang bagay sa buhay ko. Lalo na nang naguluhan ako sa nararandaman ko at nang  nagkandagulo gulo na sa tinitirahan ko. Madali kasi akong magkagusto. OO aaminin ko, nagkagusto ako kay Classmate. Uhm, pero crush lang naman. Pero mas gusto ko si  Mr. HighSchool, Ewan ko ba, super crush ko siya, since high school pa. Kaya ang hirap I let go. Alam ko dapat di ko muna isipin to, kaso it keeps on knocking. Oo hanggang ngayon, ang hirap pigilan, ang hirap magbingibingihan. Kaya ito, nang sumegway ang inlove thingy nato, nagkanda leche leche na. Pero hindi kami ah, wala akong BOYFRIEND. Wala po talaga. Ako lang tong inlababo sa kanya. 

Tapos bukod sa usapang puso, yung ibang external force naman. Magulo sa tinirhan ko. OO, magulo talaga. Inuman dito, away doon. Sigawan dito, iyak dito. Oo nagpapasalamat ako na may tinirhan ako na libre ang lahat at malapit sa school ko, pero sobra na kasi ang gulo. Pero sabi nga ni Father, bago ko problemahin to, eh problemahin ko muna yung sarili kong problema. I don’t want to elaborate this issue anymore because it is really complicated. Hope you understand, guys .

Tulad nga ng nabanggit sa mga unang talata, naging over-confident ako sa sarili ko. Mukha naging lakas to kaso, sumobra, ayon, differentiate tuloy yung confidence ko. Naging muddy yung isip, para bang walang pumapasok sa isip ko kahit anong pilit kong aralin yung isang bagay. Para bang paglipat ng isang slide, sabay ding lilipad yung mga natutunan ko, kaya ayan tuloy, puro pasang awa o mababa pa sa pasang awa yung mga scores ko. Do I look like a grade conscious? The answer is yes, yes I am grade conscious in my own way. Haha!

On the academe side, our subjects were very much technical, kaya it was a bit hard, but if you are going to simplify it, kering keri pala! I was so overwhelmed with the words, processes and codes that I had encountered in my previous courses. 
Super techie kasi and parang robot kung babasahin. Pero, simple lang pala, nahirapan ako sa logical side.  In line with this, yung isa pang subject na nahirapan ako-CS102. Mabait naman ang professor naming kaso, yung exams niya ay pamatay, hindi naman kahirapan pero alam yung sa eleap siya magpapatest, no backtracking, case sensitive pa, nadali ako dun, and grabe, mauubusan ka ng English sa kanya, sobrang strict sa grammar. pero okay na iyon, at least may natutunan naman ako sa kanya, sadyang imba lang talaga siya magpa-exam.

Summa total, my probability being on the list was very low, we can infer that based on what I have said earlier. 

Oo, masakit pero ang importante ay may natutunan ako sa mahigit kumulang na limang buwan. Ang importante ay namaintain ko pa rin  ang scholarship ko. Kung baga bonus point na tong pagiging Dean’s Lister. 

OO maasakit kasi palaging nasa taas ang gulong ng buhay ko sa larangan ng edukasyon, hindi ako sanay ng lumalagapak, nagpapasalamat na rin ako dahil naranasan ko to dahil di lang mga aral na natutunan sa paaralan kundi maging sa tunay na buhay. OO masakit bumagsak, pero hindi ba magandang isipin na masayang bumangon ulit sapagkat nalaman mo na ang mga pagkakamaling maaaring maulit muli, at least kahit papaano, maiiwasan ang mga ito. Ang importante, marunong tayong bumangon mula sa pagkakadapa. Tulad ng isang batang naglalaro na biglang nadapa, hindi niya alintana ang sakit, ang mga sugat o galos na maari niyang makuha, dahil ang nasa isip niya niya ay makapaglaro, mahabol ang dapat habulin at  maging masaya, kaya taas noo siyang tatayo at nakangiti, ni walang bahid ng sakit o luha. For sure, alam niyo rin ito dahil lahat naman tayo nagdaan sa gantong edad. Lahat tayo nakaranas ng ganitong pangyayari sa ating buhay. 

Yun lamang ang aking maibabahagi sa ngayon, I hope that you’ve learn something from this blog. I know that it is pretty long but it is worth reading. God bless.
#

-Melrose

Debutante's Wish(es) :05-21-95

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

-While I'm Waiting by John  Waller

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Hello there!

I've been living in this world for almost 18 years (thank God for trusting me this life), and I guess, 18 fruitful years for a girl like me is really worth living for. So, I just want to share my birthday wishes, though I know that there is a cliche that wishes should be kept as a secret, but why not defy it for a while. *winks*

When I was a kid, I was dreaming of having a fairy tale like party, wherein there are 18 roses, 18 princes, 18 candles, 18 treasures, 18 books, 18 dresses, 18 shoes/sandals, and the like. Me wearing beautiful gowns that were carefully sewed by my mom, designed by Jill (one of my bestfriends), and there were bunch of roses and tulips, having a motif of red and white. And my mom and my dad were the queen and king respectively. But as I grow up, I realized that it is impossible for me to have that considering my current situation, so, I had a revision of my wishes.

• Swimming Party o Buffet with the people I treasured the most. 
• Kahit saan basta buffet, pero trip ko yung:
• Yakimix
• Kamayan
• Buffet 101
• Kung sa swimming party naman:
• Beach-somewhere in Batangas
• Hot Spring-somewhere in Laguna
• Go to Church
• Guitar with Built-In Tuner
• High Quality Headphone/Earphone
• Fast-speed Internet \m/
• 1 or 3 Terabyte Hard Disk/Drive
• Books written by:
• Mitch Albom
• Nicholas Sparks
• Paulo Coelho
• Bro. Bo Sanchez
• Bob Ong
• Filipino Authors
• Sets of Clothes
• Dresses
• Tops (muscle tee, tank tops, T-shirts, name it)
• Jeans
• Shorts
• Skirts
• Sets of Shoes and Sandals whether flat or with heels :)
• Charcoal Pencil, Sketch Pad
• To visit my lola and lolo in Antique and Cotabato
• pampering myself with spa, hair make over. :)

The lists above are just my ideal wishlist. Though in reality, I know that some of these things are hard to be come true, maybe someday it will come, no matter how old I am. Aside from those physical things, I wish things would go well as time pass by. Naway, magpatuloy ang scholarship ko until I graduate-kahit working scholar ako, masaya ako doon..Naway mabalik ako sa Dean's List, at kung ipapahintulot ni Lord, maging isa ako sa mga may-Laude. I hope that upon knowing that I'm already 18, I hope that I could embrace my responsibilities with full will. That I could face my fear, to serve God in every way that I can. Being 18 is not just an age, but it is a symbolism that there is still a bigger world outside my comfort zone. That there are bigger opportunities waiting outside.

But what matter is that I will spend this special day of life with my Creator, with the people I love, who love and embrace me for who I am-not on what I could give to them or what can I do, and of course, to thank God for everything, for all the blessings that I've received from Him. Living for 18 years is something that shouldn't be taken for granted . It doesn't matter if we did crazy things in the past, what important is that we learned from it and we had fun. We should be thankful for the years that God had trusted to us.

ooh. I didn't notice the time. it is already 12-ish in the morning here in the Philippines. Got to go. God bless, everyone.

That's all! 

PS: I wonder, what is your birthday wish? :)

-Melrose  

Random Thoughts

Memories, though in my mind, are still alive in every frame, texture, color, intensity and time.

Summer '09, Part 1

“Curiosity kills the cat.”
-Anonymous

Characters:
Main:
Coleen
Kyle

It was summer of 2009. Coleen just finished her sophomore year in high school, her curiosity was on its zenith, Coleen took the road that was on trend; she met people of another kind, wind blew so hard, so her reasons tore apart.

Coleen was a short girl. She was about 4’9 feet tall. She has wavy long hair, fair skin, pimples on her face due to stress. She was serious-shy-smart-energetic-complicated type of girl.

Kyle was taller than her. Coleen was about up to his shoulders only. He likes to play basketball, computer games. He isn’t that fair. His skin tone is somewhat brownish, well, lighter than brown. He isn’t that attractive, but he has the face, oh you know what I mean. He is the player-flowery-serious-committed-always on the go-hunger for love-thirst for attention-talented type of guy.

Coleen met a guy where she once lived in. He was a part of basketball team in her subdivision. And every summer, there is always a liga- well it is a sort of competitions for different kind of sports mainly basketball and volleyball. And you know the happenings every summer, right? Swimming here, out-of-town trips there, name it and of course, teenagers who are so high in this thing called ‘love’.

Well to tell you honestly, Coleen was once a victim of summer escapade. So, the story goes like this.

Coleen was sleeping so safe and sound when someone knocked and shouted in front of our house. “Kuya Coach!” he shouted. Since she was sleeping in her grandma’s sofa, of course, she was disturbed by that noise. So she woke up with a poker face and her hair was in a bad mood, she hadn’t brushed her teeth, yet, Coleen answered him while she was half awake and half zombie, “Ano po yun?” “Si Kuya Charles po?” he replied. Upon hearing that, she turned her back and shouted Tito Charles’ name like she was the only human in their house and went back straight to her dreamland.

Afternoon of that day came, a group of guys, teenager like her, energy and youth was in their eyes, went in her grandma’s house and looked for her tito once again. Then she noticed something, the guy that she had met that morning was the same guy the she was face to face with that moment. With a smile, he asked, “Si Kuya Charles? (Where is Kuya Charles?)” “Sandali lang, tatawagin ko, (Wait a minute, I’ll just call him)” Coleen answered.  Then she did she had said. Her tito went down and he gathered all his players and they had this sort of ‘thing’. Her tito called her and asked for her assistance. “Coleen, ilista mo yung measurements nila at yung gusto nilang number (Coleen, list all their measurements and their desired number,” he requested. Those figures were referring to their jersey. Then she noticed that this guy was pretty bubbly and hyper, unlike her, well, you know what I mean. 


Coleen used to hang out with her friends next door, they talked a lot about anything under the sun. Anne, one of her friends and twin of Marie, has the beauty of Cleopatra, she has lots of friends and most of the guys or teenagers, should I say, were very much attracted to her. Coleen noticed the group that was in her house before was approaching in their place, to her surprised, the ‘guy’ that Coleen had met was also there. So, Anne introduce them one by one. For Coleen, the other guys were not that relevant, she only put their names in her short term memory. But when Anne was about to introduce the ‘guy’ that Coleen had met for the third time, she listen attentively. Aha! “Coleen, this is Kyle. Kyle, Coleen,” Anne said. They shook their hands, and of course their smiles. Aha! Coleen have thought. Kyle is his name.

As time passed by, they became friends. They talked, they played together. Coleen was a very playful kid, she used to play outdoor games with her best friends. One day, they played Tamaang Tao or Dodged Ball in English. They really enjoyed their game then suddenly, Kyle and his friends joined them. 
Coleen knew in her part that she somewhat has a crush on Kyle but she was just in denial. Then, Coleen’s group won over Kyle’s because she “butt-shot” Kyle. There is the rule that when the offenders hit the defenders in the head or in the butt, the entire team is automatically a loser. 
From that day on, Coleen’s friends were teasing her to Kyle. Then the issue got bigger and bigger.

At first, Kyle had a crush on Anne. Coleen even teased him to Anne. Oh! Coleen just loved doing that to Kyle. She loved the pissed face of Kyle. And there were times that Coleen and Kyles’ shirt color were the same. Not only that, they have the same birth month and interests. Coincidences eh? Until one day, Kyle said something that changed the world of Coleen.
….
To be continued.

Replay

So, summer na ulit and tuwing summer, may dilemmang nangyayari sa akin.

 Yung four years nang nahinto, at matagal nang nilimot sa hukay ay lagi na lang inuungkat tuwing SUMMER. Ano bang meron kasi? uulitin na naman. Nakakaasar lang kasi ako, nakamoved on na, the people around me still don't. WHy is that? why?

Yun lang, naglabas lang ng sama ng loob.

Thank you.

Indefinite Time

Dear Friend,


What if Time has given you only three hours to live, what would you do?

Are you going to panic? To stay still? To refuse it? Or to just accept it?

For me, if there is any chance, maybe I would just continue the things that I always do. I would continue the day, and still express my love to all the people that are dearest to me. Maybe, I would tell everyone that I love them through messaging or even through here. Maybe, I will just use the remaining hours to thank God, to worship Him. :)

I really don’t know. These things are just ideal. I really don’t know what to do. This question is very simple yet hard to answer. 

In reality, all of us has a time limit. It is just we don’t know when it would stop, or when will it reach its limit. But like in Indefinite Integral, no matter how indefinite the constant or the time is, we should never forget to affix the constant C, for in our life, C represents Christ.

That’s all! Another random thought. :)

God bless you all!

With Love,
Melrose